The surprise was a flop.
I think he was impressed at my attempt, but nonetheless he already has other plans.
Like many other things, it just wasn’t good enough.

I feel like I’m a less important part of his life than I had been.
The distance is growing, and I feel like I’m being pushed away.
Time is running out, and a decision will soon be made.
Am I prepareing myself for the worst?
Am I again sabotaging things?
I don’t know.
But it hurts not knowing what this is.
Where this is going?
Am I wasting time/energy on something that isn’t there?
Are we just friends in his mind?
It sure does seem like it.
Why did everything suddenly change after his return from Vietnam?
Before his trip, it felt like everything was so sure.

I want to see him soon, but that time will not come quickly enough.


  1. onewomynarmy on 04.22.2006


    Sorry to hear things are so up in the air with this situation. I know the feeling, boy do I ever. Playing the waiting game is no fun..just hang in there and things will turn out the way they are supposed to.

    Let me know if I can do anything.

    Take care,

  2. jakeonthebox on 04.22.2006

    If it were love I would give that love every second I had
    And I do
    Did I know where he’d lead me to?
    Did I plan
    Doing all of this for the love of a man?
    Well I let it happen anyhow
    And what I’m feeling now
    Has no easy explanation
    Reason plays no part
    Heaven help my heart
    I love him too much
    What if he saw my whole existence
    Turning around a word, a smile, a touch?
    One of these days, and it won’t be long, he’ll know more
    about me
    Than he should
    All my dreams will be understood
    No surprise
    Nothing more to learn from the look in my eyes
    Don’t you know that time is not my friend
    I’ll fight it to the end
    Hoping to keep that best of moments
    When the passions start
    Heaven help my heart
    The day that I find
    Suddenly I’ve fun out of secrets
    Suddenly I’m not always on his mind
    Maybe it’s best to love a stranger
    Well that’s what I’ve done — heaven help my heart
    Heaven help my heart

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