Another holiday-related excerpt courtesy of David Sedaris.
This one is from “Put a Lid on It” contained within
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

  ME:  Did you get your tree yet?
  KEN:  I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees.
  ME:  So you're going to go with a wreath instead?
  KEN:  I just told you, I'm a Jew.
  ME:  Oh, I get it.  You're looking for a cheap wreath.
  KEN:  I'm not looking for a wreath at all.  Leave me alone,
will you.
  ME:  You're probably just tense because you haven't fin-
ished your Christmas shopping.
  KEN:  I don't Christmas shop.
  ME:  What are you telling me?  That you make all of your
  KEN:  I don't give Christmas presents period.  Goddamit, I
told you, I'm a Jew.
  ME:  Well, don't you at least need to buy something for
your parents?
  KEN:  They're Jews, too, idiot.  That's what makes me one.
It's hereditary.  Do you understand?
  ME:  Sure.
  KEN:  Say the words "I understand."
  ME:  I understand.  So where are you going to hang your


  1. catsluvdmb on 12.22.2004


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