Us and Them


Just an excerpt from David Sedaris’ “Us and Them” in the spirit of Halloween:

I knew that it was just a matter of time before she came into my
room and started collecting the candy herself, grabbing
indiscriminately, with no regard to my rating system. Had I been
thinking straight, I would have hidden the most valuable items in
my dresser drawer, but instead, panicked by the thought of her
hand on my doorknob, I tore off the wrappers and began cramming
the candy bars into my mouth, desperately, like someone in a
contest. Most were miniature, which made them easier to
accommodate, but still there was only so much room, and it was
hard to chew and fit more in at the same time. The headache began
immediately, and I chalked it up to tension.

My mother told the Tomkeys she needed to check on something, and
then she opened the door and stuck her head inside my room. “What
the hell are you doing?” she whispered, but my mouth was too full
to answer. “I’ll just be a moment,” she called, and as she closed
the door behind her and moved toward my bed, I began breaking the
wax lips and candy necklaces pulled from pile no. 2. These were
the second-best things I had received, and while it hurt to
destroy them, it would have hurt even more to give them away. I
had just started to mutilate a miniature box of Red Hots when my
mother pried them from my hands, accidentally finishing the job
for me. BB-size pellets clattered onto the floor, and as I
followed them with my eyes, she snatched up a roll of Necco wafers.

“Not those,” I pleaded, but rather than words, my mouth expelled
chocolate, chewed chocolate, which fell onto the sleeve of her
sweater. “Not those. Not those.”

She shook her arm, and the mound of chocolate dropped like a
horrible turd upon my bedspread. “You should look at yourself,”
she said. “I mean, really look at yourself.”

Along with the Necco wafers she took several Tootsie Pops and
half a dozen caramels wrapped in cellophane. I heard her
apologize to the Tomkeys for her absence, and then I heard my
candy hitting the bottom of their bags.

Medical Marijuana Study – Day 5 – Smoking


Third and final day of smoking.

Definitely interesting seeing the difference measured on the Carbon Monoxide meter.
On days when I use the vaporizer, before/after are both 1ppb (parts per billion).
On days when I smoke, before is 1ppb and after is at 4-6 ppb.
This level stays elevated even hours later.
Not surprisingly, the harsher the smoke feels, the higher the levels.

Got my last IV in this morning…I’m learning not to hate them so much.
The first one really hurt though…it was on the inside of my elbow.

Watched “But I’m a Cheerleader.”
Great movie…I was laughing quite a bit. “Straight is great”
I finsihed reading the current issue of Discover and Popular Photography.
Watched some more Futurama, and then tuned in for the 3 hour marathon of
Sipsons’ Treehouse of Horror episodes.

Started on Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim this morning.

Hospital pancakes taste like rubber, btw.

I’ve been warned the hospital gets kind of insane tonight. Apparently
SF General Hospital is “Ground Zero for all the crazies,” as the nurse
put it.

The nurse promised to take us out for a walk today at 1pm. Mentioned
that we’d stop by Walgreen’s if I wanted to pick up something.

Medical Marijuana Study – Day 4 – Vapor


Vapor…very smokey vapor surprisingly.
On a scale of mild-medium-spicy.
I’d say this was very spicy.

Today’s sample left me feeling more high than any of the previous days.
I actually was incapable of my typical stoner activity, typing at my
laptop and watching TV. So I just laid in bed for a while listening
to a local jazz radio station on the TV.

Felt somewhat creative and took a few more pictures.

Bathroom Window
Bathroom Window, hi-res (The current XP wallpaper on my laptop)
Self Portrait 1
Self Portrait 2

The (cute) Ultra-Gay Dancer Boy checked out today.
As my friend Rob put it, he’s so gay, his pictures are actually burning.
In the evenings he watches instructional videos and practices his dancing.
One night he was working on spanish tap.
He tells me that he’s a professional ballroom dancer.
He’s here on a trial study for a drug to be used for meth addicts in rehab.
He’s not an addict, simply one of their control subjects.

I’m told they’ll take us out for a walk around the courtyard later today.
That would be nice…this is my 4th day, and I’ll have 2 more to go.
I’m starting to get a little bored with the various tasks I brought to keep
me occupied.

Thank god for tonight’s TreeHouse of Horror Marathon from 7-10pm.

Hollywood HellHouse


So I was listening to NPR this morning on the TV in the hospital room
on a local SF station (props to the nurse for hookin me up), and I heard
about this production called “Hollywood Hell House.”

Basically, a hollywood producer got ahold of a kit distributed by a
christian fundamendalist group meant to help other churches put together
their own “hell house” to show the evils of abortion, homosexuality, raves,
drugs, heavy metal, etc. Basically all that they consider evil and
wrong with the world. Scaring kids into not sinning.

Well, the Hollywood Hell House uses all of the language exactly as presented,
but is presented in such a way that it is meant as a satire. In an attempt
to poke fun at just how rediculous literal hell is.

I wish I’d heard about this sooner…since it ends tomorrow. It has been
running since late August.

Anyways, more info here:

Medical Marijuana Study – Day 3 – Smoking


Smoking again today.
Not as harsh as yesterdays.
Very smooth and a better high too.

I’ve watched a number of episodes of Futurama, AbFab, Simpsons,
and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Watched “Happiness” and “Welcome to the Dollhouse.”
“Happiness” is probably one of the most disturbing
movies I’ve ever seen. I loved it though…full of
great one liners.

Nearly finished with Running with Scissors.

And this morning I snuck out my camera to take some shots just before smoking:

Update Journal


Lesson learned:
When clicking the Update Journal button and seeing a “Page can not be displayed,”
do NOT continue to click back and Update over and over and over.

Unless, of course, you enjoy having to individually delete 10 or 15 posted copies.

Medical Marijuana Study – Day 2 – Smoking


Instructions to smoke marijuana

Inhale for 5 seconds
Hold inhalation for 10 seconds prior to exhaling
Wait 45 seconds before repeating cycle
Repeat as tolerated to maximum time of 10 mins.

Medical Marijuana Study – Day 1 – Vaporizer


So I’m in San Francisco General Hospital.
I signed up for a medical marijuana study
that pays $560 to stay in the hospital
for 6 days and basically smoke marijuana
while they take blood, check vitals, and
check for contaminates in my system.

So yeah. There’s something strange about
smoking in front of people watching you.

Spent the morning watching Disk 1 in the
Futurama box set
gave me for my bday.

I started watching “OutFoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s
War on Journalism, but then the dvd player
stopped working. Crap. I’m gonna let it rest
for a little while and then try to figure out
what’s wrong with it.

I guess it pays to break your cell phone


My cell phone broke again.
Cheap plastic hinge.
I called Sprint for equipment replacement.
Paid the $35 deductable.
The replacement phone arrived, only it was a Treo 600.
(My old phone was a Treo 300.)

So basically, for $35 I now have the phone
I’ve been lusting after…the phone that would
have cost me $500-600.

School Daze


When I woke up, it was because a sweaty woman with yellow
hair was trying to stick something down my throat. This
seemed to be happening to me a lot lately.

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