The sky is falling…

09.30.2003

Or so it would seem.
Although it feels more like
imploding
rather than
collapsing.

I miss the days of innocent bliss.
Blind happiness.

Those days are gone, thanks to me.
And my selfishness.
And my sluttiness.

I like the scheme and I came up with.
Forget about everything and run away to SLO.
Or somewhere remote,
along the coast.
Open a restauraunt.
Or a bed & breakfast.

It’s easier to run away than to
deal with one’s problems.
Too easy.

Unintended consequences

09.29.2003

So it’s best for me to NOT attempt
important conversations while drunk.

I need to remember that.
It seems that I’ve gotten myself
into trouble and unintentionally
hurt someone else.

A very interesting (medium) weekend

09.28.2003

I had a great time this weekend.
Lots of fun stuff, and cool people to do it with.

Prana on Friday with Danielle, Anthony, and Nick was fun.
I enjoyed chilling and sipping wine with Nick.
Oh yeah, and the music was great although the
dancefloor was VERY crowded. Strange vibe.
This was followed by chilling at Danielle’s for
an hour or so before draggin’ the two car-less boys home.

I wake up on Saturday, put some stuff together for the
desert later in the evening and head up to Silver Lake.
I’d made plans to hang out with Mark. As friends.
I promised to fix his computer, in exchange for lunch
and his company at La Luz de Jesus.
I’m not going to lose touch again.
I enjoy hanging out with him.
I also realized I’m not as attracted to him as I once was.
I think anything I felt last weekend was mostly due to nostalgia.

Afterwords Danielle and I drove up to Santa Barbara to
pick up Eddie to bring him to the desert party.
I told her to research a restaurant online, and she did.
We had an amazing dinner at Sojourner Cafe.
We then rushed down to LA to collect Nick and Anthony
and returned to my place to pack up the cars.

I should have given the ride situation a little
more thought and planning. I feel bad that Danielle
had to drive my car, but at the same time I’m appreciative
that she made that offer.

Erik let me borrow the Baja for the night.
Man was it fun driving off road!

The party itself was a LOT of fun.
Great music (Joplin spun in the desert!!!).
I went on many hikes.
E and I spent some quality time alone.
It was pretty cool, except for the awkward and uncomfortable bit.
I guess I can’t blame him for feeling that way, I *DO* have a bf.
(Despite assuring him it was okay.)

A few drunken confessions were made to me.
Not sure how I feel about them. *shrug*

I’ve also started wondering about certain people’s motives.
bah…let them dig their own graves, I suppose.

I’m very tired.
Spent the better part of today driving (had to drive Eddie home).
It was interesting.
Got to see a lot of desert I normally don’t see.

Now I just need to go wash the Baja and then it’s bedtime!!!

poor kitten

09.26.2003

So on my to pick up Anthony for
Prana, I see a cat on the side of the road.
It is squirming and wiggling and twisting
itself into wierd positions.

It’d just been hit by a car.
How sad.

Interesting though…Erik’s bird died
the same way. It was twisting itself
into wierd positions and it just looked
horrific.

Death really is painful, I suppose.
We’ve outsmarted death.
People rarely die like that.
Modern medicine ensures we usually
die painlessly.

Flying high

09.26.2003

So I heard this beautiful song on KCRW
by an artist named Jem. Yes first thing
that came to mind was big 80’s hair.
Wrong.

She is putting out an EP in about two weeks
called “It All Starts Here.”

The track I heard on the radio was “Flying High.”
Beautiful.
Also appeals to a lot of
what’s been going through
my mind lately. I’ll have
to listen to it closely
at home so I can understand
the lyrics, but part I
distincly remember:

You feel so nice
I’d love to stay the night
But I can’t afford to pay the price

Yeah, pretty sappy…

Words of wisdom from the homeless

09.26.2003

The communists gave us cell phones so they can spy on us. Probably the Russians or Germans.

Messy Marvin

09.25.2003

Ever get yourself into a situation
that is so fucking messy you wish
you could just forget about it all
and run away?

The harder I try to sort shit out,
the messier it seems to get.

I want to be happy, but I also don’t
want to hurt him. I’m trying to find
a balance there somewhere, but so far
I’ve just made things worse :-(

lj attention whores

09.24.2003

Maybe it’s just me, but I find it lame
when people create polls on LJ that
quiz people on how much they know about
the LJer.

I dunno, I think at that point your LJ
becomes more of a message board than a
place to share thoughts, feelings, or
experiences.

Or maybe some people view LJ as just that.
A forum, or message board. A place to feed
their ego by being an attention whore and having
“fans.” That seems to go against the concept
of a “journal,” but oh well. I just won’t list
those people as friends :p

Scared…

09.23.2003

I don’t like crying at work.
I don’t like that I can’t communicate my feelings in a way that make sense.
I hate sounding selfish and silly.
I hate being broken.

Finances

09.23.2003

I don’t get it.
I make a decent amount of money.
I get paid on Friday, but am broke by Tuesday.
Well, not broke completely, but out of “spendable” money.
I wonder which of the 3 checks I wrote will bounce.
If I’m lucky, Friday will come again before they do.

Next Page »